Monday, November 9, 2009

Obama to create Health Insurance Gestapo.

In an interesting development yesterday, President Barack Housain has announced that he will be accepting applications for positions in his very own Health Insurance Gestapo LLC. The gestapo will serve as the implementers of Housain's Healthcare bill clause which would require every citizen of the United States to have health insurance, or incur a fine. The bill has been passed by the House of representatives by a very small majority, and it is questionable, perhaps even doubtful, that it will pass the Senate. Obama insists though that he would like to be ready in case he CAN manage to sleep with enough Senators to swing the vote in his favor. Basic training for the Gestapo Cadets will begin in an undisclosed location immediately, though sources close to the Obama administration have let leak information indicating the facility is in the northern region of Santa's Workshop IL.
When asked to elaborate on the clause and the purpose of the Gestapo, Barackusain explained that in order to implement this extremely implementable legislation, the government would have to create an agency to go around in every state in the country, knocking on peoples doors, and demanding to see their Health Insurance titles. If someone doesn't produce a form of insurance then they will be taken out to the back of their allyways and beaten to a pulp. Their children will then be enslaved to work as secretaries for the new public option insurance program as compensation for their blatant lack of proper regard for authority.
Obama is also planning to implement a Car Insurance gestapo as well as a Life Insurance gestapo, to ensure that anyone who doesn't have either of them will be prosecuted to the fullest extent, and will probably be subject to huge fines and punishments such as having to sit through Obama singing “These boots are made for walking.”
Hanz Van frankfurtshvartzigger, one of the top recruiters for the Health insurance gestapo explained to us some of the requirements for the tough recruitment process before someone can enter the H.I. Gestapo. 1-A shlang van shnitzelkugel. 2- Aintz Fear de ganzen velt fizubengloiber. And most immportantly 3-a shiny blue rose pedal saltshaker. What Hanz means is quite ambiguous, but according to our translator, you must be a deadbeat who is too lazy to get a job and afford your own damned health insurance. His words, not mine. (My attorney instructed me to state that to avoid malpractice suits. Apparently under Obama's new plan, anyone can be liable for malpractice. Especially mailmen.)
We contacted Housain for a comment on weather he plans to implement a government public option for other occupations that overcharge clients, such as attorneys and car mechanics, but all I received was a dead signal. Apparently some misunderstanding with Housain and Osama being dead. When I finally got trough to the presidents office, I was informed that the president was unavailable because he was entertaining Senator Lisa Murkowski in the private sector of the oval office.
When Bill Clinton heard this, he jumped up and down and screamed “if he erases my carving under the oval conference table of Bill and Mon were here and there and there” I'll kill the son of a gun. Again his words, not mine. HIS words, NOT mine. How was that Abe Goldmanstienberg?? did I do good?? Yes yes yes, ill deposit your retainer and hourly fee into the cayman islands account later tonight.
Bart out!!!!!